About Control

“If only I had more willpower.”
“I just need more self-control.”
“Why can’t I make myself do what I know?”

If those thoughts sound familiar, it makes sense that control looks like the answer.

We’ve been taught that getting the body we want is mostly a matter of managing ourselves better. Tighter rules. Firmer discipline. More restraint.

That’s the diet story.

The problem is, it’s aimed at something that was never broken.

When you try to control what doesn’t actually need controlling, it tends to push back. Not out of rebellion. Out of design.

Diet culture quietly teaches us to see appetite as suspicious. Something to override or keep in check. And once that idea takes hold, food starts to feel like an opponent — something we should be “better” with, less drawn to, more virtuous around.

Enjoyment becomes something to justify.
Desire becomes something to distrust.

Somewhere along the way, we decided food should only serve one purpose. Fuel in. Calories counted. Job done.

But eating has always been more than that. It nourishes more than just the physical body. And when you try to strip it back to mechanics alone, something important goes missing.

Control itself usually goes unnoticed.

For most people, it feels normal. Sensible even. Restriction and guilt are so woven into the background that they barely register as choices.

And it’s not just food.

Many women were taught early on to manage themselves. Emotions contained. Bodies monitored. Reactions softened. Be agreeable. Be appropriate. Be good.

Letting go tends to get labelled as careless. Being spontaneous as irresponsible. Trusting yourself as risky.

The mind tightens, the body resists and the cycle continues.

What you may not notice is this...

When you’re caught up in control, you’re listening almost exclusively to thought. Every rule. Every warning. Every “should”.

And you stop hearing the body.

It hasn’t stopped communicating — it’s being talked over.

The body speaks in sensations, rhythms and nudges. It lets you know when something fits and when it doesn’t. When enough is enough. When rest would help more than effort.

But those signals are easy to override if you’ve been taught not to trust them.

So we manage symptoms. Suppress signals. Outsource authority. Follow advice meant for no one in particular and wonder why it never quite works.

People often say, “I’ve tried everything.”

Usually they’ve tried one thing — listening outside themselves.

What hasn’t been tried very often is listening inward, without an agenda.

Your body already knows far more than it’s given credit for. It doesn’t need controlling. It needs space.

When the mental noise settles, that intelligence becomes obvious again. Not in a dramatic way. Just common sense returning.

And from there, eating tends to get simpler because you’re no longer using control.