“I Deserve It” — A Familiar Thought, A Misunderstood Message

You’ve had one of those days.

The kind where your to-do list laughed in your face. The kind where people were too loud or too quiet, too needy or too unavailable. The kind where nothing really happened, but somehow everything felt like too much.

And then, sometime around 8:47pm — with the dishes in the sink, your bra off and the air still thick with the day — your mind offers a familiar whisper:

“I deserve it.”

Usually it’s said with a sigh… or a glass of wine… or a Tim Tam already halfway to your mouth.

It seems harmless. Even reasonable. After all, you didn’t yell. You didn’t quit. You showed up. You kept going.

So, yes. You deserve something.

But here’s what I’d love you to get curious about — is it really the food you’re deserving?

Or is it something deeper?

A Story You Learned Young

Most of us learned early on that food equals reward.

You were “good”? Here’s a treat.
You made it through something tough? You earned a biscuit.
You got through the day without crying or quitting or causing too much trouble? Ice cream, baby.

So it makes sense that when life feels a bit too hard or a bit too much, your mind goes straight to food. That’s what it learned. That’s what it knows.

It’s not broken.
And neither are you.

There’s nothing wrong with the thought “I deserve it.”

It’s just a thought. An old one. A well-practised one.

But sometimes, those familiar thoughts don’t tell the whole truth.

What Are You Really Wanting?

When “I deserve it” shows up, it’s often not about the snack at all.

It’s about relief.
Or comfort.
Or the need to feel seen. Or soothed. Or like something is finally, just for a moment, easy.

And none of that is wrong.

But food doesn’t really give you those things, does it? Not for long. Not in the way you actually need.

It’s like reaching for a Band-Aid when what you’re really wanting is rest. Or connection. Or a moment where nothing needs fixing.

Nothing To Fix

Here’s the thing: you don’t need fixing. You don’t need stricter rules or better plans or more willpower.

You just need to see what’s actually going on.

Because when you start to notice how thought works — that it flows, that it’s not personal, that it’s not always true — everything starts to shift.

When you stop automatically reacting to every “I deserve it” that floats through your mind, space opens up. Not because you fought the urge, but because you saw through it.

And in that space… something new can appear.

Sometimes It Is the Brownie

Now, to be clear — sometimes the brownie is the loving choice. You can eat it slowly, joyfully, without guilt or second-guessing.

But sometimes, the deeper need isn’t for something sweet or savoury. It’s for stillness. Or a hug. Or a cry in the shower with the door locked and no one asking you for help.

The food is just the placeholder.

What you really deserve is to feel cared for.

What you really deserve is the permission to stop striving, just for a minute.

What you really deserve is to remember that nothing is missing in you. Not now. Not ever.

You’re the One Who Notices

There’s a deeper truth underneath all of this — one that gets clearer the more you see it:

You don’t choose your thoughts.
Urges aren’t a part of you.
You’re the one aware of all of it.

And that awareness? It’s quiet. Kind. Already whole. It’s the part of you that doesn’t need to do anything to feel okay — it just is.

So maybe next time “I deserve it” shows up, you can pause. Not to judge it or fix it. Just to notice. To get curious.

What’s really going on here?

What am I believing in this moment?

And what would truly feel nourishing right now?

Because yes… you do deserve something.

You deserve rest.
You deserve grace.
You deserve to know that even when life is messy, you’re not.

And you deserve to remember that peace — real, lasting peace — was never in the pantry.

It was in you all along.