How Being “Nice” Can Lead to F* It Eating

(Because Swallowing Your Voice Doesn’t Make It Go Away)

Did you grow up learning to be nice?

Not kind. Not compassionate. Just... nice.
The type of nice that means saying yes when you mean no. Smiling through gritted teeth. Prioritising everyone else’s comfort — even if it quietly costs you yours.

If you were a girl, you probably got this memo early and often:
Don’t be too loud.
Don’t make waves.
Be polite. Be pleasant. Be accommodating.

Fast-forward a few decades and a lifetime of saying “It’s fine” when it’s really not?
It doesn’t disappear.
It builds up.

And when it finally needs to come out, it often doesn’t show up as a roar.
It shows up as a craving.
As a hand in the chip bag.
As a quiet, slightly resigned: “Stuff it. I’ll just eat.”

The Hidden Link Between “Nice” and Numbing

When you’re taught to put everyone else first — to smooth things over, keep the peace, avoid conflict — your needs don’t just vanish.
They wait.
They simmer.
They eventually ask to be heard.

But if you don’t yet feel safe saying:
“I need space.”
“I’m frustrated.”
“I don’t want to do that.”

You’ll say it in other ways.
With food.
With that third helping you didn’t want, but felt oddly comforted by.
With the biscuit that became five, followed by guilt and that all-too-familiar promise:
“I’ll start again tomorrow.”

Why This Hits Harder in Midlife

Something happens around menopause.
The urge to stop pleasing and start living gets louder.
But for many women, that desire to finally honour themselves feels unfamiliar. Even wrong.

So you don’t shout.
You snack.
You don’t set the boundary.
You bake banana bread and eat it alone in the kitchen.

Because food doesn’t interrupt.
It doesn’t disagree.
It doesn’t say, “You’re being too much.”

It just lets you be.

So What Do You Do With This?

🪞Step One: Notice What You’re Really Hungry For
That late-night “f* it” moment? It’s probably not about chocolate.
It might be about unspoken resentment. Emotional exhaustion. A need to feel heard.

You don’t need to fix it. Just notice it.
That awareness is the shift.

🗣 Step Two: Say Something. Anything.
You don’t need to stage a rebellion.
You can start by saying “Actually, I don’t want that.”
Or “I’m tired.”
Or “Can someone else do it this time?”

Every time you honour your inner “no,” you loosen food’s grip as a stand-in voice.

❤️ Step Three: Redefine ‘Nice’
Being nice to yourself isn’t selfish.
It’s vital.
It sounds like:
“I need rest.”
“I deserve to be nourished.”
“I’m allowed to take up space — without apology.”

You’re not here to be palatable.
You’re here to be whole.

The Real Rebellion?

Not dieting harder.
Not eating kale as penance.
Not replacing biscuits with celery sticks and shame.

The real rebellion is this:
Letting yourself feel.
Speak.
Want.
Be.

When you’re no longer swallowing frustration, guilt, and unmet needs —
You don’t have to soothe yourself with food.

Food becomes just food.
Not a silencer.
Not a reward.
Not a coping strategy for a life lived too quietly.

You don’t need to roar if it doesn’t feel true.
But maybe today, you whisper something brave.
And tomorrow, maybe you say it louder.

Not for anyone else’s comfort.
For your own clarity.

Because there’s nothing more powerful than a woman who finally lets herself speak.